Although weeks earlier I had dropped my membership and checked
"do not automatically renew," the online dating site continues to
send me these cheery emails. I imagine it -- and JDate, another of my
experiments -- somewhere in cyberspace clucking at my resistance.
"What's her problem?" I hear the OT yenta say. (Naturally,
if I were going to use my imagination to conjure my pesterers, they wouldn't be
coders using algorithms to find me a match. In my zany brain, the two sites are
women wearing babushkas, like old-world matchmakers eager to arrange a shidduch between two lonely singles.)
"She thinks she's so high and mighty," sniffs the JDate
version. "I fixed her up with four eligibles, each one a mensch, and did
she appreciate? Vadyathink?"
(Excuse the ethnic patter; but, I'm Jewish so it's allowed. Also, I can't seem
to stop.)
Now, here's where my imagination takes another leap.
Although these two figments are in cyberspace, and my mother, Min, is in
heaven, I figure she can't resist getting in on a conversation where her
daughter is the topic.
"Don't look at me," she says. "I tried, told her to be sexier and younger in her profile. But, did she listen to me? It's
just like when she was a teenager and...."
"Min," the yentas interrupt. Evidently, they have
easily accepted photo-shopping her into the picture and chat. "Please
stick to the subject. It's the present day. Your 76-year-old daughter, who is
not getting any younger, is the one we're trying to fix up. Forget about the
past."
With that, and without validation for her vote, Mom fades
out and we're left with OT and JDate.
"Obviously, we're using the wrong approach," OT
says to JDate. "She's not buying our daily e-mails. She knows that if she
clicks on them, she'll be asked to rejoin."
"We can't let her get away," JDate says. "We
don't want to see our CityGirl go through life without a man."
OT laughs. "She was CityGirl with you? Hah! She was
Tiny75 with me."
I allowed this silly scenario to enter my brain because I
was also wondering why I had put the brakes on my search for a significant
other. As the yentas indicated, I did go on dates with four eligible, honest,
and wholesome males. Although sparks didn't ignite, based on this positive
experience, why didn't I continue to seek a match?
The answer: I found another passion, one as all consuming,
thrilling, and with the possibility of a life-changing outcome. If you are a
steady reader of this blog (a shonda if
you are not), you're up to speed on my decision to test-drive Los Angeles in November
for a possible move to that city.
This current project contains all of the delicious elements
I require. It: 1) alleviates boredom, 2) allows me to make a checklist, 3)
encourages research; i.e. synagogues, civic groups, salons, and therapists, and
4) entertains friends and relatives who vicariously join in on my flights of
fancy.
"She's delusional." It's one half of the
matchmaking pair intruding on my rationale. "You know once Tiny75 gets to
L.A., and sets everything up, I predict that within a year, she's going to need
another challenge."
"Oh, you're so right," says JDate. "And then
she'll write about it, just like she did about our sites, mocking our sincere
desire to link pathetic singles."
"You know, I've often wondered if the only reason
CityGirl visited us was to get story ideas," OT says. "I feel so
used."
"There is some consolation," JDate continues.
"She'll start writing about L.A. and although the first few blog posts
will be rah-rah -- the sunshine, her new friends, her family..."
OT interrupted. "Oy, be prepared for her glowing
reviews of her grandchildren. How smart! How handsome! How polite! I don't know
if I can take it."
"But knowing Tiny75 -- who will soon be Sun-Wrinkled76
-- we won't have to wait long for her beefs to surface."
JDate erupts in giggles. Soon she is rollicking. "She'll
be slamming the tall and skinny starlets sipping their lattes at her precious
Intelligentsia."
"What about the 20-somethings working on their
screenplays? I can't wait to read her critiques of them!"
"Hold on a minute," JDate says. "Those
writers are likely to be Jewish, right? Maybe a few will have widowed
grandfathers to match with our old girl? What could entice her back into the
fold?"
"'Still drives' always works," OT says. "And,
if we throw in 'at night;' she's hooked."