Hey, Trader Joe’s, won’t you be my neighbor.

A vacant Office Depot building with plump parking sits lonely, abandoned, begging for some savvy merchant to turn on the lights, cue the music, and fill the void with staff and customers

The site is at the corner of Orleans St. and Grand Ave.in Chicago’s River North neighborhood.

I’m reaching out to corporate Trader Joe’s to lease this property, which marvelously is just a few blocks from my apartment. In my dream world I would see myself shopping daily like Europeans who visit a butcher, a greengrocer, a cheese shop, or a wine merchant.

Now if Trader Joe’s would offer delivery, like my other supermarkets, there would be no need for this plea.

Alas, Matt Sloan, Trader Joe's vice president of marketing, says: "Our main focus as a company has been doing what's right for our crew members and customers. Creating an online shopping system for curbside pickup or the infrastructure for delivery, it's a massive undertaking. At Trader Joe's, the reality is that over the last couple of decades we've invested those resources in our people rather than build an infrastructure that eliminates the need for people."

The available space I’m pitching is likely too large for a typical Trader Joe’s. But the kicky supermarket could bite off a section with the remainder of the space filled by retailers who seek the same financially stable, forward thinking, plucky shopper.

Admittedly, there is a Trader Joe’s on Ontario St., 0.6 miles from my River North apartment. Although I am 84, and blessed with good health, I can walk to there, but for the from part, with three grocery bags stuffed with provisions, I must tap an app and pay for a ride home. Hence the market’s lower prices have just been bounced by the cab tab.

My neighborhood is a boon for any business. Residents much younger than I, with steady incomes more impressive than mine, and with desires for unique foodstuff, lie in wait with credit cards and tote bags at the ready.

According to an undated online search, the average household income in my diverse neighborhood is $179,014. The median age is 33.2. And judging by the plethora of baby buggies, and the popularity of a children’s’ playground, there are plenty of families who swoon for Trader Joe’s Baby Food that “is sold in easy-to-carry containers, making it easier to feed your infant on the go.”

Babies aren’t the only adorable addition to the denizens of River North. We have dogs, lots of them. Along with my adopted Jack Russell/Terrier mix Doris, a multitude of species are residents of likely half of the neighborhood’s rental apartments and condos. Trader Joe’s has Pet Stuff!  

I’m not the only Trader Joe’s enthusiast. According to an article in Kiplinger, Sept. 30, 2022: “The eclectic and retail-fan-favorite Trader Joe’s is well-known to its loyalists for low prices on unique food items, ranging from cookie butter to salsas, cheeses and ready-to-eat packaged meals. The grocery store chain is also known for its quirky culture. Employees, easy to spot in their Hawaiian shirts, go out of their way to be helpful, and the stores are livened up by creative chalkboards and other decor (including plastic lobsters).”

I’m pitching Trader Joe’s not only to ease my schlep, but also because I admire corporate’s commitment to social justice.

Are you aware the company has a scholarship fund for crew members? Pause for a moment among the peppers green, red, and orange, and take note: in 2022, their Vernon Boykin Scholarship, named for a longtime crew member, supports the educational goals of Black crew members.

 And while I’m trying to persuade Trader Joe’s to be my neighbor, I’m happy to learn they donate all unsold products to nonprofit, community-based organizations.

Also, Trader Joe’s plans to open in neighborhoods “that bolster their commitment to racial justice.”  In 2023, a new Trader Joe’s will share space in New York with the new headquarters for the National Urban League, a Civic Rights Museum, and affordable housing.

In this last decade of my life (I always play the age card when possible), I’m pitching for a supermarket with sass. Hawaiian shirts, cheery staff, low-priced Chardonnay, Mandarin Orange Chicken, and Freeze-Dried Just Chicken for Pets, a few blocks from my pad are my dream. 

Full disclosure: I am not an employee of Trader Joe’s, nor am I related to anyone who is. I have no financial interest in the company. I am not part of their marketing team. I am simply an old lady who would like to trot two easy blocks to shop daily at this delightful enterprise.